


Hard to Forget

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Hunter's moon 500 Word Prompts [15]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Light Angst, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26478544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: When Brother Zachariah declines his request Magnus turns to an even older friend to help remove his memories.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Hunter's moon 500 Word Prompts [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776664
Comments: 24
Kudos: 49
Collections: Hunter's Moon 500 Prompts





	Hard to Forget

**Author's Note:**

> 500 word prompt: Forgot

Magnus doesn’t expect Jem to tell him no, calling his bluff on actually wanting to remove Alexander from his memories.

So he tries on his own, then he tries again, but all Magnus manages to do is move from freezing in paralyzed fear to breaking down into sobs that shake his entire body, leaving him too unsteady to perform a spell that delicate. Maybe he isn’t strong enough to do it himself but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t need to be done.

At his wit’s end, Magnus turns to the person he trusts the most: Catarina Loss. Surely she’ll understand. She’s seen him face heartbreak before, she’ll know the despair she’ll save him from… it’ll probably take some convincing but he’s positive she’ll agree in the end.

“No,” Catarina says almost immediately. Magnus can feel his hopes shatter with the word.

“Please, Cat,” Magnus begs. He skips around being coy, he’s too desperate for that, too broken. He just needs the pain to go away. “I’ll do anything. I’ll owe you _anything_.”

“I can’t, Magnus. I can’t be responsible for-” her words cut off and she shakes her head. “You’ll regret this. I know you will.”

“I won’t,” Magnus insists. “Anyway, I won’t _know_ to regret it. That’s the whole point.”

“No,” Cat repeats, more firmly this time.

“I can’t live with this suffering,” he admits quietly. “I’ve tried to do it myself but I can’t… I can’t keep from shaking every time I try. I just need help.”

“We’re meant to grow from pain and loss, to learn from it. I won’t watch you forget someone you love just because they let you down, not again-” Catarina stops speaking abruptly but it’s too late.

“What do you mean again?” Magnus asks, eyes narrowing.

“Nothing,” Catarina tries to brush off, but when his gaze doesn’t shift she sighs. “Nothing you wanted to remember, so I won’t be telling you again now.”

Magnus feels something clench in his chest. “I’ve done this before?”

Cat nods but does not elaborate.

He wonders who he asked her to remove from his memories, what happened that was so tragic he resorted to something so severe. He can’t imagine feeling a pain like the one he feels now… but what if he had? What if he put himself in this same position before and hadn’t learned from it because he decided to forget instead?

He doesn’t ask. He doesn’t think she’d tell him if he did.

“At least I’m a consistent coward,” Magnus says finally, the words dripping with self-loathing.

“You’re not a coward. You’re one of the bravest people I know, you just don’t give yourself enough credit for it. You can get through this, Magnus, and you don’t have to do it alone. I want to help you, just not like this,” Catarina offers, then waits.

Magnus allows the words to settle over him, willing himself to believe them as much as Cat seems to. He takes a deep, shaky breath, and nods.

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell)! <3 )


End file.
